Thank you for your help! [25 Dec 2009|11:37am] dreamlessness Help Marilao Central has amassed over P37,000 in donations from all over the world and rehabilitation of the school is complete! Some facilities, like the library and the canteen (cafeteria), have also been upgraded a bit, thanks to everyone's generous help. See this post for more details. The Help Marilao Central's Flickr photostream also has some pcitures of the rehabilitated school. My personal favorite is the one of the cleaned-up multipurpose hall. There's a blown-up version here - don't miss it, if only for the naughty boy at the center and the two bibo kids at front and center! post comment

[21 Dec 2009|11:27am] emo0000 life is becoming more and more interesting. I wonder, considering all of the thinking I do, how possible it is for anyone to ever understand me. The strange thing is that I don't really care or feel alone for some reason. I know who my real friends are, the ones who actually care and actually do something, instead of passively using the cover of objectivity and stability to define themselves as good and neutral people. It's just that once you get out, the clearer things become. Really symbolic things like symbols and representation and self worth and the way that it relates to the human condition. But once you see those things and understand them, it's harder to go back in. I spoke to anibe on chat recently, and I think it's really weird how little the things we are conscious of overlap. It's weird that reality becomes an excuse for reality. Reality is a strange thing and sets strange boundaries of possibility. My internal understanding of the world and my perception of its external aspects change depending on my consciousness of application of what I am physically able to do. I wonder if people actually understand this, or if they just nod and say they do. When I talk to people, everyone seems to act as if they understand things, and I guess I am a sucker in the way that I want to believe them. I met a dude yesterday who's trying to learn chinese. 1. he is really fucking smart because he's able to converse only with 4 months of study outside of china. 2. he learns chinese by going to a chinese church service and using a megaphone and telling these chinese god worshippers that god doesn't exist in broken chinese. He then debates with chinese people and makes friends with the ones who want to be his friend. 3. you can sort of tell that he has issues, but he's also very strong willed and independent which makes me sympathize in a way because he really really defines himself by his interests and aspirations. I really don't know what to make of meeting almost retartedly interesting people in that sort of way though. I disilike interesting for the sake of interesting at times. Once something becomes interesting, it becomes novel, something like a freak side-show to be gawked at, something that sparks the curiosity, but ultimately nobody wants it for its humane qualities but for the way it makes the world more diverse and 'interesting'. I dislike sometimes thinking things are interesting for the above reason, so I really try my best not to look at things in that sort of way, especially if they are at the expense of other people. and I guess i sympathize mostly because of philosophers who complain about people who eat up their observations, but really do nothing to want to understand the isolation, the suffering, the costs they pay for independence and critical thinking. And that breaks my heart in a way. but ya. i guess at the end of the day, I made my bed, and I am going to see it through to the end. A lot of things still hurt, but I could feel that it's not going to be permanent. I could see the person that i was a few years back, what I left, why I left. sometimes I regret losing the comfort and the ease of having sometimes defined offered to me, but I was a petty person and that's probably why it was so hard to leave it. There are costs to intelligence, costs to symbol manipulation, costs to negligence, costs to ignorance. There are costs to awareness as much as there are benefits. And I was a person who didn't understand these costs because I looked at everything through theoretical possibility instead of emotional limits. anyway. i am off to horrible horrible freedom.

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